Deployment is… a whole mess of emotions that I don’t even have a word for. It was like going through puberty, it was like I was dating a ghost, the beginning, middle and end all had totally different vibes to them.
I stopped whole heartedly believing in God when my grandma died. I couldn’t understand how a being that apparently loved me so much would rip away one of the most important people in my life and in such a horrific manner at that. Now, don’t get me wrong, I still believe in some Christian teachings and I do believe in a higher power…just not quite sure if it’s what I originally thought “God” to be. I’m not sure I can call myself a full Episcopalian like I once was able to.