Don’t Just Make a New Year’s Resolution, Make a New Year’s Plan

Wanting to better yourself is a beautiful thing. Everyone can use some self improvement and the  New Year is always good motivation to move forward with it. However, you will set yourself up for failure, or at least make success more challenging, if you don’t have a plan to go along with your aspirations.

Let’s say that you want to quit smoking, for example. It’s a great thought but it has no meat to it.

Continue reading Don’t Just Make a New Year’s Resolution, Make a New Year’s Plan

Advertisements

You Are Not Naive For Being a MILSO

I’ve heard it at least three times since I came back from Hawaii…how silly or naive I am for being a military significant other. I started a new job at a bar to make a little extra cash and wore my new Navy hoodie I got in Hawaii. A man, who I had met one other time, asked me with enthusiasm who I knew in the Navy while I was counting some money. I piped up, excited and said, “My boyfriend!” and his expression instantly changed. The brightness vanished. He just replied with, “Oh” and went on talking to someone else sitting next to him.

I stood there honestly confused, money held idly in my hands. What just happened?  I kept wondering if maybe his reaction would have been different if I said my cousin or sibling was in the Navy instead. I couldn’t figure out why my boyfriend being in the military was so different.

Continue reading You Are Not Naive For Being a MILSO

Six Tips to Surviving the First Underway

*For the safety of my sailor and his boat, there are no dates, locations or names posted. The article has been written and posted after his underway was long done and over.  OPSEC for the win.

I have been very fortunate in the fact that, for the first two years of this adventure, I have been able to speak to my sailor on the daily minus bootcamp of course. I actually forgot what it was like to not speak to him for more than 24 hours. After he graduated from all of his schooling, he came home for a month of leave, left for his first duty station and shortly after came the first underway. For those of you that don’t know, underways are like mini deployments that only last maybe a month or two at most.

This was like bootcamp all over again. And it sucked. He said his goodbyes over text to me and that was it. So began the first underway.

Continue reading Six Tips to Surviving the First Underway

How to Meditate for Stress Relief

It has always amazed me how the mind and the body react so closely to each other.  This past week has completely turned my comfortable life upside down and while I knew I was stressed about it I didn’t realize just how stressed I was. Of course, I’d think about all stressful stuff but I was still feeling fine and still happy and healthy. And then I started to notice that I was gaining a bit of weight, I couldn’t go to sleep without taking a melatonin gummy and I couldn’t stay awake during the day without at least one cup of coffee if not more. Then things got really serious when my eye couldn’t stop twitching and then I got bumps on my tongue. Seriously…bumps on my tongue. Ew. Obviously, the stress was getting to me a little more than I thought.

Continue reading How to Meditate for Stress Relief

Five Tips on How to Handle the Distance

There is no denying that distance is hard and I would be silly if I told you that I have found a way to deal with it completely. I haven’t. But I have found ways to bring comfort during those times when I feel like my heart is literally tearing in my chest, those nights that I toss and turn and can’t fall asleep.

1.Grow yourself a support system

I think of my support system as a circle. The reasoning for that is because none of them come before the other and they are all there for different kinds of support.  I have my parents, friends, Taylor, his family, military girlfriend Facebook groups, I have pen pals I write to and of course I have His First Mate and the community that comes with that. My family and friends are there for physical support like hugs and an actual listening ear, etc. Taylor and his family are on there for the obvious reason that he knows better than anyone else what I am going through. I have my military Facebook groups in case I have questions or just need to see that I am not alone in this. And of course, I have His First Mate as my outlet to express myself and help others.

circle of support

Make a circle for yourself. Maybe yours looks different and that’s okay. Keep that circle someplace safe where you can look at it whenever you need to. Some good places are your wallet, a drawer at work or hung up in your room.

2. Become a Hoarder

Normally, I wouldn’t recommend this but desperate times call for desperate measures. Be a hoarder of everything that is your significant other. I can’t even tell you how many hoodies, t-shirts and blankets that I have of Taylor’s (some he may or may not know that I even have but that can be our secret). These things are pieces of Taylor and some still have his smell which is a huge comfort to me in times where I feel like I’m falling apart. And not to mention, men’s clothes are significantly more comfortable than anything in the women’s department.

Below is a list of things you can ask to borrow from your significant other:

-Bottles of cologne/perfume

-Blankets, pillows, stuffed animals

-Any clothing items

-Mix tapes they have or create for you

-Keychains they have

-Jewelry

3. Have Christmas in July

Not having Taylor here for holidays absolutely kills me. With Taylor’s first deployment coming up, I have made a list of every holiday that we will miss together. When he comes home in the next couple of weeks, we plan on celebrating every single one: Christmas, Valentine’s Day, both of our birthdays and a close friend’s birthday and Thanksgiving. It will literally be Christmas in July.

I think what gets me most is looking on Facebook during holidays and seeing all these other happy couples spending time together. Take lots of pictures during these “holidays”  that you’ve created together so you can post them to Facebook or look at them whenever the actual holiday rolls around.  My other piece of advice is to just stay off of social media as much as possible during holidays.

4. Save letters and text messages

Be a hoarder of their items and be a hoarder of their words. It helps a lot to hear their own voice and words come through a page to comfort you.

bootcamp

When Taylor deploys, I am asking him to write me some “Open When” (read what these are here!) for me to read when I get upset or I miss him, etc. so I have that handy.

5. Make a Deployment Bucket List

Stay busy! One thing that I like about military/long-distance relationships is that I get a lot of time to work on myself and my dreams. So, make a list for you! This keeps you busy and always gives you something to look forward to.

What are things you have a ways wanted to do? You can add in things that you like doing but haven’t done in a while. When you are feeling down or feel like you have nothing to keep you busy, turn to this list.

 

To Tell or Not to Tell Your SO the Hard Stuff

I struggle with this question every so often. Do I tell Taylor about something or will it be an unnecessary frustration to him? I know the Navy is no walk in the park and it consumes a majority of him. Being so far away there isn’t much he can do about things back home anyway. I never want to cause him unnecessary distress.
Normally, I don’t really tell Taylor when I get cat called or some random guy hits me up on Facebook. I simply tell them to kindly screw off and they leave. Rarely do these things happen anyway considering my whole Facebook is filled with Taylor and no cat call ever really leads to anything. These things are unnecessary hassles.

However, trust is a key foundation to any relationship so sometimes it’s necessary. Sometimes bigger things than a random Facebook message or cat call happen. A couple nights ago I got some really unwanted, unwarranted attention from an acquaintance that I was friends with on Facebook due to my job.

Continue reading To Tell or Not to Tell Your SO the Hard Stuff

An Open Letter to the Military Girlfriend I Was Two Years Ago

Dear you,

I know exactly how you feel. You’re standing on your front lawn in your bare feet, the March sun beaming on your head. He’s walking away and all your left with is the Navy shirt that he got when he enlisted and your hand on your lips because he just kissed you for the first time…and last time for the next nine weeks of bootcamp. This moment that you are experiencing right now will be your first memory of being a military girlfriend. And that feeling you are having is going to become a normality in your life. The goodbyes are going to become a regular occurrence.

Continue reading An Open Letter to the Military Girlfriend I Was Two Years Ago