That’s the date I want to finally close the gap between me and Taylor.
Emotionally, it took me a very long time to get to that date. I knew from the beginning of our relationship that, if it ended up working out, I would have to leave behind my parents, my hometown and all the people I’ve known for the past 21 years to start a huge new chapter in my life and, honestly, I was absolutely horrified.
This was more than just trying a new activity or a joining a club or sport. This was leaving behind everything that was comfortable for me and sticking me thousands of miles and possibly even oceans away from it.
We are talking a solid year and half to two years of contemplating and thinking.
In the beginning, I decided that I needed to wait for a good time… when my whole family was in perfect health, when my car was paid off, when my student loans were under control, when I got a good chunk of money into a retirement account, when I spent at least a year at my job position, etc. But as these things fell into place, other things started to pop up. I needed to buy a new computer, my car needed new tires, when one family member felt good, the other didn’t, my job went south and I needed to find a new one, Christmas and birthday presents needed to be bought, I paid for not one but two separate trips to Hawaii to see Taylor deploy and come home… and I started to realize that there really wasn’t going to be a perfect time to move. I’d never be in a good spot financially, health-wise and career-wise all at once.
Instead of waiting for the perfect time, I then moved forward to saying that I was going to wait until I spent a year at the new job I obtained. “Sometime next fall” was my new time frame for moving.
Time passed and when I spent time with Taylor I started seriously looking at him. I noticed his habits, his ways of dealing with anger, death, sadness, frustration, happiness, etc. I took a deep, hard look, as much as I can being long distance, and asked myself if I could truly see myself living with all his qualities and being happy… you might expect me to say that it was an instant yes.
I’ve spent a lot of time in relationships to know that nothing is really a straight forward answer. You can’t be happy 100% of the time and nothing is perfect.
I gave the relationship a generous amount of time to look and search before I actually started to see that yes, even though this wasn’t perfect, this was something worth moving across states for.
And then suddenly I became afraid of the idea of never giving my parents the chance to have grandkids or be at my wedding, afraid of the opportunities I might miss and the new friends I might make if I don’t just make the jump. I am afraid of staying in my little bubble and continuously pushing off experiences that could be absolutely amazing.
September 15th came to be.
It’s starting to become more and more real. Taylor moved into a house and showed it to me over Skype. We started buying things for our room. Taylor has been visiting our hometown for the last two weeks and today, as me and his mom were putting him back on a plane to go, I realized that the next time I see him, I’ll be moving in with him. Instead of hitting me like a ton of bricks, this time it hit me like a soft, cool breeze, the promise of something exciting.
I’m still nervous. I don’t think I will ever be 100% ready to leave. For some it might take only a few weeks, maybe even days. For others, a few months and for people like me, maybe a few years.
But I am finally closing the gap and I am so, so excited.