I remember who my boyfriend is. Coming from a few bad relationships, bad feelings still come up from time to time where I get afraid that those bad things will happen all over again. I think those are just natural fears. But I feel like you need to be with someone that you honestly trust. Not someone who you kind of trust but they flirt with other girls a lot or someone who left you once but promised they’d never do it again, etc. No, you need someone who you know what kind of person they are and what values they possess.
T is without a doubt one of the most beautiful human beings I have ever met and he has a past just like I do. He made it clear, without a doubt, that cheating was a deal breaker from the get go and if one of us ever felt the need to leave the relationship or was having doubts they would be voiced right away. We were going to be honest with each other or we were going to be nothing at all. Trust is black and white with us. So, when I start to get insecure, I remember what kind of person he is and how he views honesty.
I will also sometimes ask him to just reassure me that he loves me. Being a writer, I hold a lot of value in words. So, it helps when I am feeling low to hear or read that he still loves and wants to be with me. You can also save old love letters, bootcamp letters, text messages, emails, anything to give you that kind of support for when they aren’t around.
Being a little insecure about the relationship from time to time is normal. Being absolutely paranoid, however, is not a healthy behavior and is a whole other topic to be covered. I do not feel the need to scour through T’s cell phone or read all his Facebook comments or grill his friends about what he’s doing…but I have been there in previous relationships and I understand what that can be like. If you are feeling this type of insecure then I would recommend getting some professional help or really re-evaluating the relationship or both! Personally, I have gone to see a social worker and have worked through many of these same problems with outside help and it is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.
If you would like some non-professional help from an impartial person, feel free to send in an email to firstname.lastname@example.org and I will do my best to help in any way I can!