I hear all the stories. The ones where a sailor comes home and the house that once held his valuables, his life and his wife is now completely vacant. The girl who waited at home and kept the house and kids up and running for months at a time finds out her deployed husband cheated. I have even heard recently that women wait at ports to try and persuade military men into sleeping with them.
I think we all have fears of being cheated on and these can especially be magnified when you’ve had past experiences. But until you have solid, concrete proof of the act or have a very solid reason to be suspicious then there is no reason to be upset or worried…though I realize that is way easier said than done.
If you have no proof or current reason to worry but the thought always sits in the back of your mind, here are some things you can do to help ease that:
1. Write down a list of signs that he won’t cheat
I, like everyone else, have fears too. I hear some of this stuff and I want to freak out. Not necessarily at Taylor but just the thought makes me want to puke. But Taylor does and says things all the time that my cheating partners in the past never did. So, you make a list. A list of everything that your SO does that makes you confident in them. Do they call you when out with friends? Do they verbally say that cheating is a deal breaker for them? Do your/their friends and family remark about the way your SO looks or talks about you? When not deployed, is most of their time spent with you? Have they never kept anything major from you before?
Signs like that point to someone that is not likely to be cheating on you. Make a list of literally anything that you can think of about your SO that can help to convince you that cheating isn’t in their blood and pull it out when needed.
2. Have them write you a letter that you can keep when you start to worry
Maybe you sat down with your pen and paper to do step one and had trouble with it. Maybe you didn’t come up with enough reasons to satisfy yourself. Then why not have your SO tell you the reasons then?
Have them write you a letter of all the reasons they would not cheat or leave you and keep that letter tucked somewhere safe for when you need it. Or save a text or another letter they wrote you proclaiming their love for you. Trust me, it helps to be reminded.
3. Talk to your SO about it
Here’s a shocking one. Talk and communicate to your SO about what you are feeling…though be careful not to be accusatory. Simply express your concerns and if you have a healthy relationship together your partner will help to ease those concerns and maybe even heal those wounds. You can also talk about what they and you can do to make yourself feel better. Maybe ask them to tell you they love you often or have them call you on their way home, etc.
4. You attract what you are
Positive energy attracts positive energy. Same goes for the bad energy. Laying in your bed at 2 am reading about all the cheating possibilities is probably not helping the cause. Instead, read stories about succeeding relationships, ways to help your relationship blossom, etc. Stay positive always.
5. Do extra steps to nurture your relationship
Sad fact about cheating is that often times a partner cheats because they feel something is lacking in their relationship. Not to say that makes cheating okay or that it’s the other person’s fault. But if you are worried about cheating then make an effort to make the relationship a loving one. You don’t have to bend over backwards or give up your dignity or anything of that nature but do something nice. Take the negative feelings you are having and turn them into a positive action. Bring home some flowers for them or their favorite food. Ask about their day often and listen to their problems, do a chore for them that they normally hate doing, etc.
You can also read Five Military Love Languages by Gary Chapman to get a better feel for how to let your SO know that you love them.
6. Don’t hold your SO accountable for the past
If you have been cheated on in the past, don’t hold your current partner accountable for it! This is a new start and a whole new person. History does not necessarily have to repeat itself.
Holding your partner to old wounds will only hurt the relationship. It won’t make you or them feel any better or any more trusted. Be open to the possibility that this one is different from the past.
7.Make a list of reasons why you are worth loving and being faithful to
I think a lot of times we tend to worry about being cheated on because our self esteem is low. Maybe you think there are prettier, smarter choices out there than you. But the truth is, that there are beautiful things about you too, things that are worth all the love.
Make a list of those things and be honest with yourself! If you have pouty, voluptuous lips then be proud of it! Write it down. Are you really giving and selfless? Maybe you do a lot for your family. Write it down! List all the beautiful, wonderful reason that you are worth having. I can promise you that there are plenty.