To Tell or Not to Tell Your SO the Hard Stuff

I struggle with this question every so often. Do I tell Taylor about something or will it be an unnecessary frustration to him? I know the Navy is no walk in the park and it consumes a majority of him. Being so far away there isn’t much he can do about things back home anyway. I never want to cause him unnecessary distress.
Normally, I don’t really tell Taylor when I get cat called or some random guy hits me up on Facebook. I simply tell them to kindly screw off and they leave. Rarely do these things happen anyway considering my whole Facebook is filled with Taylor and no cat call ever really leads to anything. These things are unnecessary hassles.

However, trust is a key foundation to any relationship so sometimes it’s necessary. Sometimes bigger things than a random Facebook message or cat call happen. A couple nights ago I got some really unwanted, unwarranted attention from an acquaintance that I was friends with on Facebook due to my job.

I, professionally, put that to rest but I was furious. It came out of absolute nowhere and it wasn’t just a causal “Hey, wanna go on a date” type stuff. This was a tad more serious. And not only did it disrespect me and my relationship but also my job and my livelihood.

I put that acquaintanceship to rest and did the necessary actions to make sure my job was fully aware that this had taken place and how I handled it. But that left Taylor…do I tell him? Do I hide this? Would he be mad?

I struggled with this for the rest of that night. My friend/manager said I should tell him. My mom was a hard and fast no since he couldn’t do much about it anyway.

In the morning, I decided yes, I would tell him. Why? Because if anything serious sprouted out of this, I’d rather him know at the beginning and be upset than find out later after it exploded and feel like I kept something from him. This was more than just a cat call. It would put our relationship at risk even if my intentions were 100% clean.  I need him to trust me especially because we are long distance.



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If you ever find yourself in this predicament and telling your SO is necessary, I would advise doing it at a time where they don’t need to sleep right away and are not studying for a big test or anything of that nature. Pick a time and a day that they have nothing detrimental happening.

I had Taylor call me at a time that was good for him. I told him everything that happened (I left out the dirty details though) and how I handled this and what I did to prevent it from happening again. I finished my long-winded paragraph with why I decided to tell him. I value him. I value this relationship. I don’t want to upset him but I needed him to know and to trust me.

He was quiet for a second and then calmly asked if I was okay. I said I was mad but I am okay. And that was it! He thanked me for telling him and said it sounded like I have it all under control so he wasn’t worried or upset in the least. Holy hell, I fell even more in love with him in that instant. We laughed for a bit, asked about each other’s days and everything was fine.

My best advice is to look at the big picture and look at the dynamics of your relationship…

Look at the big picture of the situation. Nothing ever really arises from a cat call on the street. It’s a two second interaction. Is telling your SO really worth it? Probably not. Could this situation come back to bite you in the butt in a serious way? If yes, then in my opinion, it is probably worth telling. Would you tell your best girl/guy friend? In that case, I’d say it’s worth telling considering your SO should also be your best friend.

Look at the dynamics of your relationship. Does your SO get upset easily over things? Maybe wait to tell them when the time is right. Maybe when weighing the options, telling them isn’t really worth their upset. I didn’t know how Taylor would react so there was only one way to find out for me.

And if you ever are struggling with how to handle something like this feel free to email me or contact me on the His First Mate Facebook page for outside, non-judgmental advice or just a listening ear.

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